I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
