My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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