Can Purell be used as lube?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
