One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
