i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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