It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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