I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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