I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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