did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
