Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
