dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
