Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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