So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
