I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
