you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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