I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Vodka?
Forever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
