i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
