I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
