the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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