my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
