My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
