you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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