When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Randomize
