If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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