My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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