he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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