Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
