I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
