At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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