So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
