the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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