I'm so fucking centered right now
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
