weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
