He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
