I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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