she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
