Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Say something about gay babies.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
