You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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