whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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