just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
