You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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