She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Bring me that man meat
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
