He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
