Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
