Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
