took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
