Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
