How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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