i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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