Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
