Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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