I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
